Dress To Express, Not To Impress On a Date

According to our resident love doctor


Words by Persia Lawson
May 25th, 2017

Whoever came up with the old adage that ‘love is blind’ had clearly never been on a first date.

The truth is, we all care about how we look – and appearances tend to be the first thing we notice in a potential suitor, also. Whilst I’m a firm believer that a healthy, happy romantic connection is cultivated more from a meeting of souls than bodies, I think we can all agree that the clothes we wear have a direct impact on how we feel about ourselves.

When we’re feeling good, we tend to attract people who affirm and mirror these positive emotions, because water seeks its own level. Regrettably, the reverse is also true: when we’re feeling uncomfortable, inauthentic or undesirable, we often attract people and experiences which appear to confirm these negative feelings. This is because our external reality is always a mirror of our internal emotions and beliefs.

If you’re looking to attract some more authentic, soulful love into your life (whether you’re single or not) the below three fashion tips are guaranteed to radically enhance how you feel about yourself and consequently, how romantic interests will feel about you, also.

Let Your Clothes Reflect Your Self-Worth

If you’re anything like me, having drawers and wardrobes full of holey knickers, mismatched socks or dresses in desperate need of mending is not uncommon. It may seem trivial, but holding on to such items can have a detrimental effect on our sense of self-worth. Effectively, the message that’s being sent to our sub-conscious is that we’re not deserving of good things, and we’re willing to settle for second best.

Schedule in some time (an afternoon or an evening should suffice) to clear out any clothes and accessories that are no longer serving you in their current form. Make this a beautiful, empowering experience by creating a lovely atmosphere: burn candles, light incense, play some of your favourite music – whatever works for you.

Take three bin bags and label them: CHUCK, GIFT & FIX. Anything that’s truly had it goes into the ‘CHUCK’ bag. Anything you no longer want (but is in reasonable condition) goes into the ‘GIFT’ bag and can be later donated to charity – or given to a friend. Anything that you love but needs repairing (or dry-cleaning) goes into the ‘FIX’ bag – then schedule into your diary when you’re going to take it to get mended.


This is such a cathartic and healing practice because you’re putting out a clear statement to the universe: I take care of myself, I acknowledge my value and I’m open to receiving more good things into my life.

Ditch Whatever Doesn’t Feel Like YOU

Whilst many stylists advocate editing your wardrobe around key pieces that never go out of fashion (e.g. a classic white shirt, leather jacket, pair of designer jeans etc.), if you want to attract a soulful relationship that feels good to you, why not use the process of editing your wardrobe as an exercise in discovering what ‘you’ actually feels like?!

For example, I have a mid-length dark green velvet jacket I got from Morocco that I absolutely love. It wasn’t anywhere near as expensive or trendy as other jackets I’ve owned, but wearing it makes me feel far more relaxed, comfortable and myself than the other jackets do.

After you’ve completed the previous exercise, schedule out some time to edit your own ‘soulful’ wardrobe. Try on every piece you own and separate the ones that feel most like ‘you’ from the ones that don’t, regardless of the cost or ‘trendiness’ of each item.

If possible, put the ‘soulful’ pieces together in one wardrobe and set of drawers, and the other pieces in storage (or wherever’s convenient). You might even want to add some of these items to the ‘gift’ pile from the last exercise.

For one month, try just wearing your ‘soulful’ clothes and see how differently you feel within your body and your life in general. By prioritising feeling good over looking good, you’re once again sending a signal to the universe that you are open to attracting more people and experiences that are aligned with your good vibes.

Dress To Express, Not To Impress

The last exercise is the simplest: Each day, select the outfit that’s best suited to how you feel – or how you want to feel. Again, it’s not about choosing what you think you should wear, but instead, what you desire to wear.

In many respects, this is similar to the concept of listening to your body tell you what she wants to eat or drink at any given moment, rather than just blindly following the latest diet fad. Mindful dressing, you could call it.

This is especially important when going on a date. In the past, I used to select a date outfit depending on the type of guy I was meeting and the venue he was taking me to. This often meant I was hobbling down the road in stilettos I couldn’t walk in and a tight little black dress that made me feel extremely self-conscious. Very sexy.

I felt like an actor who’d put on a costume, and by proxy, I’d wind up performing the version of myself that I thought my date would find most appealing. Inevitably, the dates lacked authenticity and soul, because I lacked authenticity and soul.

I’ve since learned that no one can fall in love with you if they can’t see (and feel) who you really are.

Conversely, when I met my boyfriend in an outdoor rave at a festival, I may not have looked particularly stylish (I was covered in glitter, wearing a multi-coloured lycra leotard and a massive white shaggy jacket that made me look like a yeti), but I’d never felt more like myself because festivals are my favourite place in the world. My outfits that weekend, however unfashionable, helped give me the freedom to express the ‘real me’ with this man right from the get-go, which I believe is why we’re still together, two years later.

Please don’t wait for someone else to tell you what look or outfit will help attract love into your life: Listen to your intuition, because it knows you better than any stylist, fashion blogger or magazine ever will.

Persia Lawson is an author, speaker and “one of the UK’s most successful love coaches” – according to The Saturday Times magazine. As maven46’s new love and life columnist, we caught up with Persia in the latest edition of our ‘maven46 meets’ series which you can read here.

Want YOUR relationship or dating dilemma answered by Persia Lawson?

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