Words by Paula Coogan
December 3rd, 2018
I only heard this term for the first time a few days ago and I love it.
For too long, many of us have been caught up in fear. Fear of missing out, fear of being left behind, fear of not being included, fear of not being, doing or having enough. The result of this is that, for far too many of us, fear has been put in the driving seat of our lives and has been given the keys. We make so many decisions from a place of fear, lack and what ifs.
Picture this: it’s Friday night and you’re absolutely shattered. It’s been a really stressful week and all you want to do is get home, lock the door, have a bath, get food and chill on the couch. But the moment you arrive home, take your shoes off and slip one leg into your PJ bottoms, your phone buzzes.
“Hey babe, a gang of us are heading into town. Are you up for it? It’s been ages since we had a mad one. Everyone’s going!”
A. Panic. The text comes in and you immediately feel torn. You reply, sussing it out, getting more info and asking other people’s opinions. You feel more peer pressure to join your friends. You make a spur of the moment decision, act on impulse, forgetting about your own true desires and needs. You have a quick splash in the shower, grab something quick to eat, get changed and head into town, spending money, time and energy on something you don’t really want to do and then spend the next few days recovering.
B. Sink deeper into a bubble bath, luxuriating in the warmth and breathing in the scented oils. You wrap yourself in a fluffy towel, mouth watering as you hit ‘order now’ on the JustEat app and get cosy on the couch for a long deserved and much needed rest. When you think about your friends in town, there are feelings of joy and bliss that you opted out of this one and put your needs first.
Which mindset rules you?
The ‘fear of missing out’ or the ‘joy of missing out’?
Urban Dictionary defines JOMO as the opposite of FOMO, meaning that “you prefer to be unavailable and deliberately miss a party that could be the greatest of all time, because (to be honest) you really don’t care and would rather stay home and watch a Sandra Bullock movie and get an early night”. Sounds good, right? This could be a gamechanger, especially at this time of year!
Imagine spending your personal resources of time, energy, attention and money on things that are actually important to you and serve you this Christmas. Imagine being really intentional with your time, making decisions from your own desire and needs rather than out of fear of missing out on something. Imagine the headspace this would free up for you!
Below you’ll find a couple of tips to help you embrace JOMO this season.
Hire a coach. The biggest thief of time and progress is a lack of clarity. When you’re uncertain, you can be easily swayed and look to other people for input and ideas. But if you’re crystal clear on what’s important to you, what you’re working towards and why, then it’s much easier to stay grounded and feel joyful anytime you pass up on something that doesn’t fit in with your bigger picture.
Once you know what your priorities are, make a list of what you’re available for and what you’re not available for. These are basically your boundaries and it’s so important to be very clear about them. So, for example, you could write down the following: I’m not available to work after 7 pm or on weekends. If your boss asks, the answer is “I’m not available”.
If you know that FOMO has a hold over you and that you’re prone to act impulsively, create a safe space for yourself by removing triggers and distractions. Unfollow people who trigger you on social media, turn your phone off for two hours between 6 pm and 8 pm. Create some new habits or rituals that you practice on a regular basis and help to ground you and bring you back to yourself.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and what situations you’ll be experiencing JOMO from!
Paula Coogan is the founder of The Quarter Life Coach – a vibrant career and life coaching company aimed at empowering women in their 20s and 30s to practice courage, figure out their true desires both personally and professionally and then, to make it happen.
Her work is delivered through several live group programs and Masterminds including Career Breakthrough Mastermind and The Wisdom Circle. She also works one-on-one with clients who are ready for big transitions in their relationships, careers and businesses.
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